Life after rape

The World Ended

FLASH NEWS: World ended and everyone is dead. Officials across the world confirm it every Day and officials in India are busy confirming it every second.

 “People often speak of hell, not wanting to go there, avoiding it etc. I never had that problem because hell is a state of mind. Look around you; rape, murder, wars, hatred, envy...my friend; you're already there!!” 

I am really surprised when people say that world is going to end. The world really ended when humanity died. We are living in a world which is already dead and rotten, values and ethics are decomposed to an unrecovered state.

   1.   The rape cases and crimes that we see every day in the news are the best evidence.

   2.   Parents and family members of the victims are the witness.

   3.   cases registered and the charge sheet filed against the accused are the death certificates approving the death of the world (humanity)

Rape is one of India's most common crimes against women and by the UN’s human-rights chief it is defined as a “national problem”.

 According to the National Crime Records Bureau, 24,206 rape cases were registered in India in 2011, although experts agree that the number of unreported cases is much higher.

          Sources: Ministry of Home Affairs

You know I don’t think the issue here is about the rate of rape, or the conviction rate Instead I think the underlying issue is how society treats, reacts and perceive the victim. In some parts of the world like India, Pakistan, and the Middle East it is seen as if rape is victim’s fault and that they were somehow deserving. It is sickening to see a society that wants a developed nation, to have such medieval attitudes about the rights of half of our population (women)

In India rape is considered as the mistake of the victim and they are isolated from the family. Sexual abuse and exploitation makes the life of the victims more worse, hence they remained controlled, numb, in shock, which leads to denial and disbelief.

When it comes to Indian movies it is always projected as rape is the end of life and suicide is the only option available, because of media victims feel more harassed than helped.

Once let us step into the victims shoes and see how difficult it would be to keep going.

 “I just want to sleep. A coma would be nice. Or amnesia. Anything, just to get rid of this, these thoughts, whispers in my mind. Did he rape my head, too?” 
― Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak 

“The last thing I want to know as is ‘The Girl Who Got Raped’. The big turnaround you make in your head is from the victim to survivor.”

“The desire to forget the past is a form of suicide. I have come to believe that many of us would sooner die than remove our mask and stand barefaced before the world – Richard Bode”

“The idea to rescue myself from the role of a victim. That I have a choice left. Though I can’t change what has happened I can choose how to react. And I don’t want to spend my rest of my life being bitter and locked up. “

> Life after rape

Physical anxiety, helplessness, persistent fear and depression, mood swings, vivid dreams, recurrent nightmares, insomnia, loss of appetite difficulty in doing every day task, staying numb or stunned, finding it difficult to deal within themselves, sudden emotional outburst, withdrawal from family and friends trying to spend alone, dropping out of schools high absenteeism at work.

Our Duty:

Rape is one of the worst violations a person can suffer, and the scars can be everlasting — assure them telling “you can reclaim your life, it is not the end.”

Survivors need a safe, confidential environment to work through their fears. You can help by providing the survivor with peace, support and time to recover

Try to inspire them and motivate them by telling some true stories of people who did wonders even after being raped, remind them about their goals and dreams in life and what they want to achieve. These things may help them to recover quicker.It's very hard to know what to say and what not to say because different people react differently. Being a loved one, friend or a family member make the victim understand that she is not alone and your door is always open and you're always just a phone call away.

Few things what you can say	Things you should not say
"You are not alone." "Come on its not your fault." "I'm so sorry this happened to you." "I am always with you." "Come out of it " "Would you like me to find a support group for you?" "I'm here if you want to talk." “I believe you”  “ I am with you if you want to report it”	"Were you drunk?" "What were you wearing?" "It's your fault." “you should not have been there” "Why aren't you getting over this faster?" "That wasn't rape." "You were leading him/her on." "You're overreacting.

NOTE: All emotions are fair responses to a rape or sexual assault hence try to control your emotions when you try to help them. Your words and actions are very important in transforming the rape victim into a survivor.

 How painful it would have been for the victims and their family members!!

Please never ever happen it again and be ready to sacrifice your life to save a girl from being raped.

Thank you for spending your valuable time reading this article and I feel this article made some sense.

emotional intellegence

                         

                        

Emotional Intelligence

Just like everyone else I reached Bangalore with lot of hopes and I am fortunate to find the B- school IMPERIAL COLLEGE OF BUSSINESS STUDIES (ICBS). The concept that is lingering me ever since I reached Bangalore is EMOTIONAL INTELLEGENCE. I found it to be very interesting, which gave me a new feeling and solved many mysterious questions hither to left unanswered in my mind. Emotional intelligence enables one to deal with any situation and make most out of life.

The origin of my curiosity into this topic goes back to some bad experience I had in my childhood. Our's is a small family that comprised my mother, my father, my sister and me. Like every brother I used to fight with my only sister for several reasons and always ended up with lot of counseling from my parents. One day we had a family gathering I was depressed that I don’t a new dress to wear when my father tried to explain me I suddenly shouted at him with a fierce voice and I said “why do you always try to counsel me and keep your daughter comfortable, why don’t you treat me like your son”, with that my dad was upset and left the place in silence, my mother didn’t speak to me for several days. Just like this I had face many situations in my life filled with emotions, but I never had been able to master them but one incident that moved me the most and deep routed in my mind.

I live in a small town in Vijayawada we own a house in the middle of the city. Rent is the only source of income for my family. As usual at the end of the month I went to collect the rent from tenant’s rambabu and Sri Devi a beautiful couple with three children, they told me that they are in financial crisis and requested to weeks’ time to pay the rent or so I returned. To my surprise Sri Devi started quarreling and it went on for hours and next day morning the house was full of silence. Sri Devi hanged herself to death. These questions gave rise to lot of questions in my mind. Only questions and questions without answers. I found the answer almost after 8 years far away from home in Bangalore well it’s never too late to learn emotional intelligence.

Many people don’t know about emotional intelligence. Some people take it lightly. Those are the people who suffer most, as emotions get better of them. 

Emotional intelligence can be defined as.

“The ability to understand, identify, assess and control the emotions of one self, of others and groups”. Without emotional intelligence we lack self-awareness hence we fail to understand our own feelings. To understand our self and others we have to keep track of certain crucial emotions like

Anger, frustration, depression, anxiety, insecurity, and uneasiness.

Our families help us to shape our attitudes about emotions, our ability to identify emotions, our way of interpreting events and our ways of expressing emotions. In families failure to understand each other’s emotions are likely to have a long term consequences. Children raised by parents who have problem in understanding each other’s emotions are likely to develop emotional problems of their own. So in the above examples even though I shouted at my father, his silence made me to realize that I am supposed to control my emotions while communicating to elders. In other case the reason for the fight between rambabu and Sri Devi is not the question of money but lack of understanding and control in emotions. If they had had emotional intelligence their children would not have been orphans.

The rise in divorce cases suggests that many people lack emotional intelligence. Exposure or training on emotional intelligence will help you encounter situations in life easily. E I helps you to resonate with so many people in effectively. It helps to focus on behaviors of others as well as you. That will help to improve relations in family and at work place.

Many people are disconnected from their emotions due to negative childhood experience which make them bottle up their feelings. Parents should spare some time of their busy schedules to listen to their child’s emotions and also keep track of them to help them learn emotional Intellegence

With simple examples and common langauge I tried to explain emotional intellegence.
hope u enjoyed the article and try to understand and cope with emotions in life, thank you for spending your valuble time in reading the article. please leave your comments and feedback about the article.